Being alone is dangerous. Being alone can transform the safest, most routine activities into deadly gambles and can change a simple ritual into a chronic symptom. But for the most part, we don’t know the risks we’re running.
Everyone seems to know that drinking alone is bad and to be avoided. A glass of wine with dinner, fine – but only if you appreciate the vintage. If you drink it to relax, beware! You could be self-medicating. This is only true if you drink alone, mind.
And thanks to that wisdom, many of us do the right thing and abstain from solitary drinking of any kind, preferring instead to descend into the spiral of stress, anxiety and depression. But why is drinking the only vice that is thus tainted? Here’s the truth: it isn’t. So in the interest of public safety, let’s run down a list of activities that become pernicious as soon as you do them on your own.
1. Dancing alone. Dancing is supposed to be social. It’s right there in the word itself. Only sick, twisted people dance alone, typically late at night while sliding around on the floor in their socks. Or so I am told. This might seem fun, or even harmless. But in truth, it is a sure symptom of the purest form of insanity. Just ask Jay Kay. Or take a look at confirmed nutcase, Christopher Walken. They probably didn’t think too much of it at the time either. Upside: You will look awesome.
2. Smoking alone. Smoking alone is not talked about too much, maybe since smoking in general is generally frowned upon. It is, however, dangerous. Second-hand smoke, casual smoke, chain smoke? No problem. Maybe cancer, maybe a debilitating lung disease. Maybe both. But what does smoking ALONE mean? It means you might very well be a film noir protagonist. Or even an ancillary character. Can you think of anything more dangerous? Upside: see number 1.
3. Talking alone. You might think, “Oh, I know this one, it’s obvious – dementia, schizophrenia - some sort of mental illness where you hallucinate.” But no. After all, what do we say about people who hear voices, or see visions (and answer them)? They’re talking to people that only they can see/hear. Does that sound like “being alone” to you? No, in truth talking alone is a sign that you are, unfortunately, a talkative person. Yikes. Upside: maybe you have something interesting to say?
4. Dying alone. This means you are Captain Kirk – oh wait, just kidding. In fact, this suggests that you are most likely dying, which is in most cases fatal. If only you had someone with medical training to help you, but no – you wanted to be alone, remember? Upside: at least you don’t have to worry about any of the above.